Poison
by SecondDayFirstLove
Summary: What do you do when the life you built is falling apart? When something great happens while you're in a fight for you life? How do you get your life back? Santana and Rachel are married and going through a rough patch. But hopefully their love for each other is enough to keep holding on. g!p Santana
1. Chapter 1

I never thought I'd be that girl. That girl who huddles close to her best friend, nervously waiting on the results of a home pregnancy test.

But today I am.

And what makes it more unbelievable is that I'm married. I'm married to the love of my life, the person who should be here with me. Holding my hand and sharing this moment with me. This moment that could change our lives.

We've always talked about having kids. We've been married for seven years, and in lust with each other for thirteen. So of course the idea of having children came up. How could something so life changing, relationship changing, not have come up.

The topic came up plenty of times over the years. We both agreed that children were something we wanted. Something we wanted together and when the time came we would make the decision together. And the time did come. It arrived four years into our marriage. I was 29 and very much settled into my career as a college professor and Santana was doing great as a registered nurse and co-owner of a gym.

I always thought Santana and I would sit down and make plans after the first couple of years of the gym being in business. But that wasn't the case. The gym had only been open for seven month when Santana came how one night on a Tuesday. It was around ten at night and she had just got home from a long day at the hospital. I was lying in bed when Santana stripped, showered, and then crawled into bed with me. Pulling me into her arms and holding me tight.

We laid in silence for five minutes before Santana whispered in my ear that she didn't want to wait any longer to have a baby with me. She told me that I was going to be a wonderful mom and we should have a baby soon.

That Tuesday night we agreed that within the next couple of months we would try to make a baby.

Santana and I were happy. We were going to have a child soon if everything worked out.

But the next month Santana got a call.

Her mom had been in a car accident. Santana was devastated. We both were. But Santana was torn apart.

Santana is an only child. Her dad had ran off when she was ten and her mom had been her best friend her whole life. The two of them were inseparable. Santana lived with her mom during college and the first two years of our relationship. It was a big adjustment for her when we finally moved in together. She would call her mom every day. Eventually Santana could function with having to call or see her mom every day. She grew up.

And when Mrs. Lopez died, Santana became a little girl again.

Santana quitted her job. And I let her because I thought she needed time to grieve. Everyone knew how close Santana was to her mom. Quinn's dad was good friends with the chief of staff at the hospital so getting your job back wasn't too much of a concern. Plus the gym wasn't doing that bad. But I thought she would only need a few weeks to at least start leaving the house. A few weeks to slowly get back into society.

But after five months, Santana started drinking and our savings account started to decrease. My salary alone wasn't enough to cover the cost of all of our bills.

Alcohol is a poison that ran in Santana's family. Her father was an alcoholic. And there was a time in college that I thought Santana was going to pick up the nasty habit but the nerd in her got the better of her and she became too busy with school to drink. And all this time we've been together, she has been good with cutting herself off with drinks.

Santana barley talked to me at that point. She slept in the guest room. So any plans for a baby went out the window.

And that was fine for the moment. I just wanted my wife back.

And eventually Santana tried.

Santana got her job back. Santana went back to work and hung out with friends. She touched me more that she had in the last few months. But we still didn't have sex.

Santana was still drinking a lot. I glass of Whiskey became her best friend.

I hated it. I hated this version of my life.

We fought. We fought so much that at one point it became too much for me that I asked her to leave. She left and things didn't get better.

Santana came back after two weeks. She didn't come back to our room. She moved back into the guest room.

Everyone is probably wondering how this baby happened.

My birthday was a few weeks ago and Santana and I was talking more. She had joined AA the previous week and was telling me how she wanted to work on our relationship and get us back to where we were. Santana kept telling me she was sorry.

And I love Santana so of course I let her have me.

And now we are here. Here with me throwing up and missing my period.

"Time." Quinn puts her phone back into her pocket. "How do you want to do this?"

"I'll look." I release Quinn's hand and walk the few feet to my bathroom counter. "Oh my God." I whisper out when I see the positive sign.

"Oh Rach." Quinn pulls me into her arms.

"I'm pregnant."I cry.

"Shush…you still need to go to the doctor to confirm it."

"This is the third test, Q. I'm sure I'm pregnant."

"Just make the appointment."Quinn pulls me out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. She sits on my bed while I pace in front of her.

"How do you feel?" She asks.

"Scared…Happy." I say honestly. "Uncertain." I add as an afterthought when Santana pops up into my head.

I want this baby. How could I not. It was made with the love my life. But this isn't exactly the best time. Things are still up in the air with Santana. She's still in her AA program and trying to get better. But we haven't even kissed since that night.

"Understandable." Quinn nods. She's been my best friend since we were seven. Quinn knows all my hopes, dreams and fears. She's the only one who knows me better that Santana.

"Help me find my appointment book?" I request distractedly. I'm too busy thinking about how and when to tell Santana. "Hey, Q?"

I'm grinning when she looks away from the dresser, giving me her full attention. "I really want this to be real. I want this baby."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I ow n nothing

_Last month at Rachel's birthday _

"_Are you sure about this?" I whisper against Rachel's lips. She's lying under me on her back with just her bra and panties on. _

"_Do you wanna stop?" I groan when she cups my junk through my jeans. "It sure doesn't feel like you do?" Rachel then starts to unzip my jeans. _

_I don't say anything as I watch her slide my jeans down my hips. "Help me please." Rachel whines when the jeans get stuck around my knees. I'm too busy sucking and licking on her neck to pay any attention to anything else that was going on. It's been so long since we been together. My hand has been my source of pleasure for months now. But that's no one fault but my own. _

"_San…" Rachel tugs on my boxers, snapping me out of my thoughts. _

_I climb up off of her and finish undressing myself. Rachel removes her bra and panties as well before I climb back on top of her._

"_Oh shit…" I close my eyes and moan when Rachel small hand wraps around my dick. She starts to jack me off. "Fuck stop." I feel like with only a few more jerks I'll cum all over her hand. I defiantly don't want that. _

_Rachel releases me and I bend down to kiss her. We kiss and rub against each other for a few minutes before I grab my dick and squeeze it. Without breaking our kiss, I position myself to enter her. _

"_Oh…" Rachel gasps into my mouth when I push all the way in, her tight pussy squeezing my dick. _

_I break the kiss to look at her face when I start to slowly push in and out of her. "I missed this. I missed you." I say my face just inches from hers. "Oh fuck." I groan._

"_Uhh yes!" Rachel cries out when I start to pound her. "Fuck…don't stop." Rachel starts digging her nails into my back as she holds on._

"_Oh yea…tell me you missed me." I demand as I pull out. "Say it." I plunge my dick back into her. _

"_I missed you. God San I missed you." Rachel pulls my head back down for a kiss. "Uhhh…"_

"_I'm close, baby." I whisper against her lips. "So fucking close." I reach between us to rub her clit while I drill into her. _

_Rachel starts to release. I can feel her juices pouring all over me while her walls clamp down on my dick. I thrust a few more times before I release thick spurts of cum into her. "OH fuck babe." _

_I bury my face in her neck for a few minutes before lifting up and pulling out of her. I'm still on top of her, hovering. Rachel's legs still loosely around me. _

"_What's wrong?" I panic when I look down and Rachel is silently crying. "Are you hurt?"_

_Rachel just shakes her head. "I just missed you."_

_I sigh and move to lye next to her. I kiss her cheek and cuddle into her side. _

End of flashback

Yes we had sex that night but it didn't fix our problems.

Because here we are, sitting in a little hospital room, waiting on Rachel's doctor to come back with her pregnancy results. This shouldn't be this uncomfortable. We should be talking to each other, sitting next to each other. But that's not the case.

Two days ago I was lazing around in the guest bedroom, which has been my room for a few months now, when Rachel came in and said we needed to talk. She said she had something important to tell me. It was that day she told me she might be pregnant and she has a doctor appointment and I should be there.

At first I was just sat there shocked. But that didn't last long. I wasn't that shock because I knew Rachel wasn't on birth control. Why would she be? We hadn't had sex in months. And before I fucked everything up we were trying to have a kid. Rachel had just stopped taking her pill. The night of her birthday party was only the second time I had been in her raw. The first time was at the beginning of our relationship and we had just got back together after breaking up for a few days. Emotions were high and things just happened. We were still in college so we both were happy that her birth control didn't fail.

And once again emotions were high but this time something or shall I say someone might come from it.

Rachel and I haven't really talked about what will happen if she is pregnant. Of course we are going to keep our baby but like…we haven't talked about our relationship. Its crazy how to two people can live and sleep in the same house but barely interact. The last few days have been heavy between us. There's just been silence and awkward looks.

And I hate it.

She's my wife for fuck sake and she might be carrying my baby.

I have to do better. We have to do better.

"I love you."

A startled Rachel looks up from her phone.

I don't blame her though. My own voice even startled me.

She wasn't probably expecting me to say anything.

But I did.

I have to.

I get up from the chair in the corner of the room and walk over to her. Standing in front of her.

"I love you, Rae." I reach out to cup her face. "I know things are fucked up between us right now, but…"I shake my head. Getting chocked up when a see tears start to form in her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. I want us back, okay?"

Rachel nods. "I love you too."

Then there is a knock on the door before the doctor pokes her head in.

"Come in." Rachel sniffles and I sit next to her. One of her hands in mines.

"So?" I ask.

"Congratulations!"

**Thoughts? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own anything!

I remember the night I told Santana to get her things and go. It was four months ago and Santana had came home drunk. Instead of calling me for a ride, she had taken a cab home and stuck with me with the bill. I can still remember the bored look on the cab drivers face as he held out his hand, waiting for his money. After paying the man I had turned around to yell at Santana but she was already laid out across the couch, passed out.

I was pissed.

This was the third time this week she had came home pissy drunk, smelling of cigarette smoke and alcohol, only to pass out seconds after getting in the house. So…

I went to the kitchen and filled a glass of water and threw it on her. She had jumped up and once realization set in she started yelling at me. We screamed over each other until it became too much for me. I couldn't keep going through the same thing every night. So with tears on my cheek and a heavy heart I told her to leave.

Santana had stood there silent for a few minutes. We just stared at each other. After five minutes Santana told me she would be gone in the morning.

I was crushed.

That's not what I had wanted.

I had thought she would have argued more with me.

Fought more for us.

But she didn't.

In the morning I watched as she grabbed her duffle bag, kissed me on the cheek and told me she would be at Matt's.

When the door closed behind her I felt like I could die.

Apart of me knew that it wasn't the end. That we were just going through the motions.

We just needed time apart.

But a bigger part of me worried about what if things didn't change and one day I would be telling her to find a permanent place to go.

That would hurt.

It would be the hardest thing I would have to go through.

How can you through away thirteen years of friendship and love.

You can't.

And now as I sit curled up in the corner of the couch, blanket tucked around my legs, waiting on my wife to come home, I think about that night. I think about how I don't ever want to go through that again. And how I wish that tonight she doesn't come home smelling of cigarettes and cheap beer.

But I know she will.

And I hate it.

I jump out of my thoughts when I hear the door. I listen as Santana curses as she bumps into something. It takes her a few minutes to walk into the room and see me on the couch.

"Hey," Santana says with wide eyes. "Why aren't you in bed?"

I can tell she's been drinking. She's not drunk right now but she's not sober either.

"It's two in the morning." I release my legs so that I'm sitting properly on the couch.

"I know," Santana flops down on the love seat. She bends down to take off her shoes. "You should be asleep."

"You shouldn't be out at two in the morning." I snap. "You're a married woman."

Santana head snaps up at that. "What the hell does that mean?" She growls.

I sigh. "Nothing." I shake my head and look away from her.

"Don't ever fucking say some shit like that again." I can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head. "Don't even think it."

I whip the tears from my face before getting up and gathering my blanket and pillow. I don't want her to see me cry. I've been crying too much lately over her.

"Goodnight." I don't look at Santana as I walk passed her.

I feel bad for making that comment, especially because I never really thought what the comment implied. I haven't felt this insecure and lost in our relationship since the beginning of it.

When we first got together both of us had our own insecurities. I was always worried about being cheated on because I had been before. It took me awhile to learn that Santana wasn't like that, that I shouldn't push my past experience onto my current relationship.

The next morning is awkward between us. More so than usual. I'm sitting at the Kitchen Island reading the news paper when Santana comes in with her nurse's uniform on and her gym bag. She moves about the kitchen quietly as I just sit there and stare.

"I'm going to the gym after work." Santana says after taking a sip of coffee. "I'll be home around eleven."

"San…"

"Save it."

"...Please turn in all papers by 3pm, Thursday afternoon. Everyone knows what happens if your paper is turned in after 3." I lean against my classroom desk as I address my class. "Have a great day guys!"

After dismissing the class, I stick around to answer questions and to close up the room I'm using this semester for this noon class.

I pack up my belongings when all the students have left the class, stop by my office to pick up whatever mail I might have and drop off papers. My next class doesn't start for another hour, so I'm going to meet Quinn for lunch.

"Have you guys told anyone about the baby yet?" Quinn inquires while we wait on our food.

"No. We decided to wait until after the first trimester." I inform her.

Before last night, Santana and I spent two whole days together. Just hanging around the house and being happy about our baby.

Santana and I had discussed when we wanted to tell others and when we wanted to start planning for when the baby arrived. We both agreed that we didn't want to just rush into anything. We want to just make sure the baby and I stay nice and healthy and take things a step at a time. Santana wasn't upset like I thought she would be when I told her that Quinn already knew about the baby because she was there when I took the home pregnancy test. She said she understood but from now on she wanted to be included in anything and everything involving our baby. Of course I was all down for that. I never even considered nothing else. This is our baby. If we stay together or if she can't get her shit together and we break up….this is still _our_ baby.

"That's cool. I'll keep my mouth shut than."

"Thanks." I laugh. "So how are things with Puck?"

We spend the rest of lunch catching up with each other lives. Quinn tells me about her on again off again boyfriend Puck. In return I tell her about that latest project I have my classes working on. I thought about telling her about what happened with Santana and me this morning, but I barely want to think about it let alone talk about it for a long period of time.

Hopefully Santana will come home with a better attitude and we can discuss what happened like adults without arguing.


	4. Chapter 4

As I pull up to the house, I can see the light from the living room is on, letting me know that Rachel is still up. After parking and grabbing my gym bag I let myself into the house. I drop my bag next to the door, put my keys on the table, and take off my shoes before entering the house fully.

Rachel is sitting on the couch with a stack of papers on her lap, glasses on, and a red ink pen in hand. I can hear some Jazz music playing low in the back ground.

"Hi," I say quietly walking over to her and kissing her forehead.

"Hey," Rachel looks up at me, giving me a weak smile. "How was the gym?"

I shrug, "Good." I move some of her papers to the table and sit down at the end of the couch. "How was your day?"

"Fine. Classes were good and I had lunch with Quinn."She informs me.

I've always gotten along with Quinn. She's a real good friend to Rachel. She doesn't mind telling me off when I'm being a jerk to Rachel or stupid about a situation. I haven't seen her in a few weeks but I'm sure next time I see her she's going to have a mouthful to say to me about the latest happening between Rachel and me.

"How is, Q? We should have her over for dinner soon."

"She's fine." Rachel completely ignores my dinner suggestion and pushes her glasses up her face before moving the papers she was grading to the table. "I didn't make anything for dinner. I've been trying to catch up on all my school stuff all evening."

Rachel and I haven't sat down and had dinner together since the first couple of days following the conformation of Rachel's pregnancy. But Rachel or I always try to make dinner if we are home, even if we don't eat together. Rachel usually beats me home so she'll cook and put me a plate away for when I do make it home.

"But you ate right?" I ask glancing from her face down to her stomach.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Of course."

We sit in silence for a couple of minutes. I can feel Rachel's eyes on me. "I have a AA meeting tomorrow." Rachel hums for me to continue. "I know I've been fucking up and I'm going to continue to fuck up." I look over to Rachel. "I've been drinking and being an ass to you and I'm sorry. I know sorry isn't what you want to hear, but I'm serious. I'm going to get better for you and our baby."

I sigh and reach over to lay my hand on Rachel's thigh. I release a breath when Rachel doesn't pull away. "Rach? I need you to say something." I plead when minutes go by and Rachel hasn't said anything.

"I don't…" Rachel starts then stops. "Last night was so hard and stressful." Rachel finally gets out. "You didn't call to tell me what was going on, you didn't answer your phone and when you did come home you completely dismissed my feelings."

"You accused me of cheating on you!" I yell out in frustration. Rachel jumps. "Fuck sorry, but really Rach? You just thinking I would do that to you hurt."

"Yea but you know I was just talking, Santana. I was upset and…" Rachel shakes her head and I see the tears. "These last few months have been hell. I thought you were getting better and we were slowly getting back together and then BOOM…you're drinking and staying out all night again."

"Right…I know but…"

"I mean…gosh this hurts so much Santana." Rachel puts her right hand over her heart. "Even when I think our marriage is falling apart and your being a jerk I can't find it in me to hate you."I look away from her when she says that. "And sometimes I get so upset with myself because I want to hate you so much right now but I can't. I can't because I love you too much." Rachel pats my hand to get me to look at her again. "I love you and I will support you though this but I have to know that you still want us. That you still want to be my wife and you want to live the rest of your life with me and fight for us."

"Yes." I grab her hand and squeeze. "Yes I want us. I want you. I want this baby. I'd fucking die if you left me." I move over to pull her into my arms. "I'm going to fight, baby. I need you. I can't…you have to believe me Rachel." Rachel nods against my shoulder.

"I love you."Rachel whispers.

"I love you more."

We spend the rest of the night holding each other on the couch. I followed Rachel into our bedroom when we decided to leave the couch.

=-=-=-=-=-=-4=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-4=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=4=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"HI, my name is Santana Lopez and I am an alcoholic." I still feel like I'm going to fall apart every time I say those words.

"Um…" Once everyone greets me back I just stand up there, looking around the room, trying to figure out what I want to share today. "My dad left my mom and me when I was ten." I take a second to gather my thoughts. I hate talking about my dad but I have to. "He was a drunken mess that didn't even have the heart to say goodbye." I find a spot on the back wall to stare at. I can feel the tears trying to escape. "And the older I got and started to learn and understand more about alcoholism, I promised myself that I would never be like that man. My father."

"But…here I am." I knock my hands against the podium I'm standing behind. "I have pregnant wife and I'm…I'm know good for her. No good for them." My vision starts to get blurry and I quickly wipe at the silent tears. "I'm not good for them right now. But with your help I soon hope to be."

a/n: Ooooh Santana's road to recovery. Hmmm will it be bumpy one. We shall see

Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Santana sighs. "Please stop asking me that." She pleads with me.

"Okay." I glance at Santana once more before getting out of the car.

We are outside of my parent's home. Santana and I have been extremely busy with our jobs, doctor appointments and working on our relationship. So when my dad asked us to have dinner we accepted because today Santana and I were both off of work and we don't have an appointment tomorrow which means we can stay later and hangout with my dad's instead of eating and running.

We told them about the baby a few months ago when we found out we are having a girl. I had wanted them to know earlier but Santana and I were still going through a lot with our personal lives and we just thought it would be better to wait until the second trimester was over before informing everyone.

I'm 22 weeks now and things are a lot better. Work has been great. I have a good bunch of students this semester. Things with Santana have been getting better too. Santana has been keeping up with her AA program and coming home after work. She still hangs out with Matt and at the gym but she makes sure to call and let me know when she'll be home. She hasn't completely stopped drinking. She still has a few beers with dinner. I know she's not completely sober but I'm proud of her for stopping at only a few beers. And it helps that we got rid of anything heavier then the beer. No wine, whiskey or vodka is allowed in the house.

Santana has also moved back into our bedroom. We try to spend as much time together as we can. We go to the movies, eat out or just stay at home and talk. Santana makes sure to be at every doctor appointment. She asks more questions than me. Santana has bought books upon books about pregnancy and babies. She says yea she might be a nurse, but she's never been a mom before and it's a lot more to it.

I love it.

I still remember the look on her face when we found out we are having a girl. She had tears of joy on her face and she wouldn't stop kissing me. My stomach, my face, my hands…just any part of my body she could get a hold of.

We had sex that night.

That was the first time since I got pregnant. Before then, we had touched each other but she hadn't been in me. Well…her fingers had but not her dick. I had giving her a few hand jobs and she had went down on me and fingered me a few times before but we always stopped after that.

Both of us were unsure if we should. I mean yea things were looking up with us but we wanted to make sure we weren't just going through the motions.

And we weren't.

We aren't.

I still love her like I did when I first feel in love with her.

That night we had sex was amazing.

She was so gentle with me. And she held me after and listened to me get all emotion afterwards.

I love her.

God do I love her.

"Girls!" My dad, Leroy pulls me out of my thoughts when he snatches me up into a hug. "Come here." Once he let go of me he grabs hold of Santana and squeeze her just as tight.

"Where is daddy?" I look around the living room. He's nowhere to be seen. Usually they both greet us at the door.

"Changing." Dad walks over to me. "He'll be down in a minute." He pulls me into another hug before stepping back. He grins down at my baby bump. "You look great. Doesn't she look great, San?!" I roll my eyes.

"Beautiful." Santana replies giving me a smile.

"That she is." I turn around when I hear my daddy, Hiram. "I still can't believe I'm going to be a grandpa!" He squeals while pulling me into his arms.

After more hugs we go into the dining room. Santana helps set the table while my dad's get the food ready to be served. They all insisted that I just sat there and look pretty.

Dinner was great. We all just talked and laugh without a care. Every now and then I would catch Santana looking at her glass of water with a longing look. Before we arrived I made sure to call my parents and tell them that it was important for there to be no wine served with dinner tonight. Of course they know about Santana's drinking problems. I tell my parents almost everything but I haven't been keeping them updated on everything going on with Santana. I know she appreciates her privacy especially with something as big and important as this. I could tell Santana was just itching to ask them for a glass of wine, but she stopped herself from going there.

After dinner Santana and I stayed to watch a movie. Once the movie was over Santana drove us home.

"I'm tired. I think I'm going to shower and go to bed." I let Santana know.

After showering I walk back into our bedroom to get ready for bed. I don't like sleeping in a bra so I just put on some panties and a t-shirt. It's one of Santana's because mines are starting to get a little small on me. I gained weight plus the baby bump.

I'm in the middle of standing in front of the mirrors, glaring at my stretch marks when I hear Santana clear her voice. I didn't know she was standing there. I quickly push my shirt down and turn around to face her.

"How long were you standing there?"

Santana shrugs. "A couple of minutes." Santana walks over and stands in front of me. "How was your shower?"

"It was okay." I shrug. "Thank you." Santana raises an eyebrow. "For tonight. I know today was the first time in a while that you've went a whole day without drinking. I know it wasn't easy but you did it."

"How you know I didn't have a beer while you were in the shower." Santana smirks.

"I just know." I say without even thinking about it. She's just teasing. Plus I know she drunk the last beer that was in the house last night. We've been together all day so I know she hasn't bought any more.

"Hmmmm…." Santana bits her lip. Her hands move to the end of my shirt and she lifts it until it reaches my boobs. "How's our girl?" Santana runs her fingers along my stomach.

"Good." I grab her hands and try to get my shirt out of her hold. "San…" I whine when she won't let go.

"What?" Santana lets me push her away. I push my shirt back down. "Babe you're beautiful."

"Yeah…well I feel fat right now and don't feel like having you stare at me."I try to move around her to get into bed.

I feel Santana's eyes on me even when I turn around to push the cover back on the bed. I'm in the middle of fluffing my pillow when Santana comes up behind me. "What are you doing?" I giggle when she wraps her arms around me and sway us side to side.

"Loving you."

I roll my eyes but let Santana hold me anyway. She always knows how to calm me down. We sway a few more times before I slap her hands away and get into bed.

"Come here." Pat the bed and Santana grins before crawling onto the bed.

It doesn't take long before we both are completely naked. Santana is kneeling between my legs, her eyes on my stomach as she runs her hands up and down my thighs.

"What?" I ask when she gets a goofy look on her face.

Santana just shrugs. "I'm just happy." She leans down and kisses me. "You're beautiful. This…" Santana rubs my stomach. "Is beautiful."

We spend the next couple of minutes kissing while our hands roam. Santana sucks in a deep breath when I grab a hold of her dick. I fist it and start to pump while Santana licks and sucks on my neck.

"Damn babe," She breathes against my skin as she trails kisses down to my chest. "Fuck wait."

Santana leans back on her legs and grabs her dick and squeeze the head. "Oh my fucking…damn girl," Santana giggles.

"Getting a little worked up there, huh?" I smirk, lightening the mood. Santana growls when I reach a hand down to start touching myself.

"I can't help it." Santana strokes herself while watching me rub my clit. "You get me so hard."

"Kiss me." Santana moves to hover over me again. I feel her dick running through my folds as we kiss.

"Uh fuck…" I moan when Santana pushes the tip into my entrance.

"Yeah," Santana smirks. "You ready for this?"

"Shut up?" I laugh and slap Santana's ass.

When we first started having sex Santana thought she was a sex beast. She would always make little comments about how she was going to ruin me from any and everyone. She still has that playful side but before today I hadn't seen it in almost a year. Even when I would just be giving her a hand job things seemed so heavy and serious between us. So it's nice that we are getting back to our joking self's.

Santana smiles and pushes all seven inches into me. She waits a few minutes before starting to slowly fuck me.

Santana pulls out, grabs my legs to push them back before pushing her dick back into me, pushing my legs together so my pussy is hugging her. She's on her knees right now drilling into my soaking hole.

"Shit…so fucking good." Santana is biting her lip and watching herself disappear inside of me before reappearing.

"Uh...oh oh…" I try to talk but Santana is throwing herself into these thrust. I think she's trying to kill me.

"What?" Santana slowly pulls out and then quickly thrust back in. "Can't handle it."

I roll my eyes. "I've been handling it, haven't I?"

Santana throws her head back in laughter before pulling out. I can feel my juices leaking out. Santana moves down and gets to work in sucking on my clit, while one hand is groping my chest. Santana is pulling and palming my nipples. She doesn't stop tonguing and licking my pussy until I am yelling out that I'm coming.

"Fuck…uh…" I moan when Santana pushes back into me, fucking me through me orgasm. "Fuck…baby."

"OH…here it comes…here it comes…" Santana pounds into me. A couple more thrust and then I feel her cum shooting into me. Santana keeps jerking into me until every last drop is left inside me. If I wasn't already pregnant, I defiantly would be after that.

"You okay?" Santana asks after kissing me and pulling out.

"Of course." I lightly rub my pussy. Santana did give it a workout. "Just sensitive."

Santana lies beside me and watches as a rub myself while our mixed cum leaks out of me.

I roll my eyes when I look over and she's jerking her meat. "What? You're sexy."

Eventually Santana cum in her hand and we get cleaned up before curling into each other in the middle of the bed.

I go to sleep with Santana's arms around me and a smile on my face. Tonight makes me think that things are really getting back to normal.

**a/n: Thanks for all the support...the following and favorite alerts and Reviewing. **

**Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Fuck…" I close my eyes and rest my head on Rachel's shoulder. "Baby…wait…you're going to break me." Rachel laughs but does as I ask. She leans back into me and just allows us to take a breath.

It's crazy how a pregnant woman works. When Rachel was in her second trimester we had sex all the time. It didn't matter the time of day or where at. We even had sex in her office at the University and that was something we had never done before because Rachel never wanted to. But since she's been pregnant she hasn't cared. But now Rachel is in her third trimester, she barely lets me touch her. Well…until tonight that is. And I think that's only because we had a little argument and she got emotion and wanted to be close to me.

We had been arguing about me picking up more hours at work. The University started summer break two weeks ago and of course Rachel didn't try to pick up a class for the summer. And she wouldn't be teaching a class in the fall because our baby will still only be a few weeks old and we agreed that Rachel wouldn't go back to work until the winter Semester. Therefore, my nursing job and the gym will be the only source of income for a while. The gym is doing pretty well and it always picks up in the summer and I make pretty good money as a nurse but I just want to make sure we are set no matter what.

I know when I had quit my job for all those months it made our savings take a hit so I need to try to get us back to where we were. Rachel keeps telling me that we are financially stable and I don't need to pick up hours, my regular hours are just fine. But I guess my guilt is keeping me from listening to her. So I've been picking up shifts and haven't really been home a lot lately.

And I believe that's what really is bothering her.

Since she's been pregnant we've been spending a lot of our spear time together. Not just having sex but just talking and relaxing or doing fun little activities together. I haven't even hung out with my best friend, Matt, as much lately. Partly because I know when I get together with him and our regular crew, there is always alcohol associated with whatever activity we do. But a lot of it has to do with just wanting to be close to Rachel and being there every step of the way with her pregnancy.

So tonight, which is really five in the morning, when I came home from work; Rachel confronted me about working to much. We got into it and she walked away and slammed our bedroom door after telling me to sleep on the couch. We turned the guest bedroom into a nursery a few months ago.

It had been almost an hour after I had showered and sat on the couch to unwind when Rachel came down stair crying. She was upset that I didn't try to make up with her and that I was really going to sleep on the couch. I told her I was sorry and the only reason I didn't follower her was because I didn't want to make her more upset with me.

She told me that she didn't want me picking up more hours and that she needed me at home with her. One thing lead to another and we ended up naked with me on top of her.

I've made her cum two times already but she wants more. So now I'm sitting on the couch with my dick inside of Rachel as she waits to ride me.

"Okay." I whisper into her ear, pressing a kiss to it. I pat her hip and Rachel eases up my pole and slides back down.

"Oh… I love you so much." Rachel cries as she lowers herself onto me again.

"I love you more." I whisper into her back.

Not much else is said as we both moan out into the room. I just concentrate on not coming until after she does. I don't know how I'm going to go back to wearing condoms once the baby is born. The feeling of making love to Rachel with nothing between us turns me on so much. I love cumming inside of her. Watching her face as I bury myself deep inside her and release. I love it.

Before her pregnancy I had only came inside her once before. That was years and years ago. After that we had always used condoms and she was on birth control. We wanted to do our best not to get pregnant because we weren't ready for a kid. We both were too engrossed with school and our careers. We wanted to have kids when we decided it was best for us. And for the most part that's what we did.

"…uh do it lightly." Rachel grabs my wrist when I move my hand around her to play with her clit. "It's sensitive." Don't I know it? She practically begged me to suck it a little while ago.

"I need you to cum." I lightly run my fingers over her clit. I can feel the pressure in my balls. "Fuck babe…you feel so good." I lick her neck. "Please cum on my dick."

Rachel bounces up and down on my dick a few more times before her pussy squeezes me and she cries out. I feel her juices oozing out on me.

"What are you doing?" I whine when Rachel climbs off of me. I'm so hard…I might cry if she doesn't let me finish inside of her.

"Come here." Rachel walks around to the back of the couch and bends down over it, her ass sticking out.

I don't waste any time in walking behind her and shoving my dick into her pussy. "Oh shit…so good." I grab her hips and hold her still while I fuck my dick into her from behind. "You ready…I'm going to come so hard." I thrust into her a few more times before I release my thick cum into her wet hole.

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"Having fun?" Quinn sits next to me on the steps outside of our friend Tina's house.

Today Tina and her husband Mike are celebrating their fifth year wedding anniversary. This is the first party and social setting I have been in since I stopped drinking. I had been turning down invitations for months now out of fear of relapsing. I haven't even hung out with Matt outside of the gym. Matt is one of my biggest supporters but I know that when he invites me and the guys over there are usually drinks involved. I know that Matt would get rid of the alcohol to make me comfortable but then I'd just be making him and the rest of the gang uncomfortable. He always says he would be happy to make some adjustments for us to hangout but I don't want to put him through that. This is my struggle. I'm still learning how to adapt all these changes in my life. And there won't always be someone welling to change their plans just for me.

But tonight I had to come out. I can't hide in my house for the rest of my life and today is a big day for some of my closes friends. Tina and Mike would have understood but I wouldn't have felt good about missing their special day. And I'm glad I did come because it's been fun and Rachel is really excited that I've come out with her to somewhere besides the hospital, her dads and the grocery store. She said she was proud that I've made so much progress.

"I am. I'm having fun." I nod. "I mean…it's been kind of hard with…."I through my hands out. "Let's just say it's taking a lot out of me to stay away from the refreshment table." I decided to be honest with Quinn. She's Rachel's best friend but she also has been a good friend to me.

"Well…I'm glad you came out today," Quinn bumps her shoulder into mines. "You're doing a good job and Rachel is having more fun with you here then she would have without you."

Quinn had told me before that Rachel always felt awkward and worried when I decided to stay in vs going to some social event with her.

"Yeah?" Quinn nods. "That makes that table look less appealing. Thank you."

Quinn and I spend a few more minutes chatting outside before Rachel appears in the doorway, asking for us to come back inside.

It's almost midnight when Rachel and I are done getting ready for bed.

"Thank you." Rachel says once she's comfortable.

"What are you going on about?" I lay down next to her.

"Do you ever listen to me?" Rachel rolls her eyes. "You do know I'm about to have your baby, right?"

"Does that mean I'm stuck with you?" I laugh when Rachel slaps me in the face with a pillow. "Okay calm down." I grab the pillow and put it under my head. "Now why were you thanking me?"

Rachel shrugs. "I had a nice time tonight." Rachel runs her fingers along the side of my face. "Thank you for trying for me. For loving me."

I don't understand.

I don't understand how someone can be so perfect. How someone can love me so much.

How Rachel can love me so much.

Be so forgiving.

This last year and a half I've been so shitty to her. I quit my job and spent my time drinking and draining our savings account, not coming home or when I did come home it was at an unreasonable hour after partying all night.

But Rachel's always been there.

She's still here…loving me.

"Babe…" I can't help but start to get emotional and cry. "I couldn't be half the person I am without you. I love you."

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Today has been such a stressful day. Rachel couldn't get comfortable on the bed so she woke me up at three in the morning and made me sleep on the couch. And then she got upset at lunch because I apparently missed some things on the grocery list she gave me yesterday and it messed up her lunch plans for today. Everything continued to go downhill from there, every time I turned around Rachel was upset or crying over something I did or didn't do. When four o'clock came around I was never more excited to leave for an AA meeting in my life. I love Rachel but the closer to her due date she gets the more sensitive she gets.

My AA meeting went well. Over the last couple of months I have cut down on how many times I attend. When I first started the program I would go four times a week and now I have cut down to twice a week, sometimes once. I had my last drink two months ago. That makes me so proud to say. Not drinking is not an easy task. When I get stressed or when Rachel and I are having an argument, my mind always stray to the thought off a nice cold beer. But then I think about how that beer controls me and what I will be throwing away if I went back to it.

"Hey!" I nearly jump out of my pants when I walk into the kitchen and see Rachel leaning against the counter. I was so into my thought I didn't see her standing there.

"Hi." I eye the sly smile she has dancing across her face. "What's up?"

Rachel shrugs and walks over to me. She kisses me on the cheek before stepping back and grabbing my hands, swings them between us. "How was your meeting? Did you tell them about your crazy wife who is stressing you out at home?" She asks jokingly.

"Naw…I didn't feel like speaking today." I pull her closer. "If I did I would've told them about my amazing wife."

Rachel laughs. "Whatever. Come on, dinner is ready."

"Where are we going?" I ask when Rachel pulls me through the house and up the stairs. She leads us to our bedroom and pushes the door open. "Oh babe…"

There is a blanket spread on the floor and on top of it is nice dinner spread. Rachel walks around the room and lights some candles as I take in my surroundings. When she's done with the candles she grabs my hand and pulls me over to the blanket. "Sit."

I do as told with a smile on my face. "What's all this for?"

Rachel takes a few minutes to get comfortable before answering me. "I know I haven't been this easiest person to deal with these last few months. My emotions have been all over the place and I've taken so much out on you and you've just been so strong through it all. Wait…" Rachel puts her had up to silence me. "Let me finish." I nod and Rachel continues. "I know you're going to say I'm your pregnant wife and of course you'll support me but…I just…I know these past few years haven't been easy for us. For you. You lost your mom and then your wife is pregnant while you're trying to fight an addiction."

I wipe at the tears on my face. I don't even know when I started crying. "I'm just…I'm proud of you. You take such good care of us. I really appreciate you. I'm so grateful that you love yourself and me so much that you didn't let alcohol come between us." Rachel does a sweeping motion with hand over the dinner. "This is for putting up with me day in and day out. I know today I was a complete bitch but I love you and thank you for loving me back."

I grin through my tears and lean over the plates between us to press my lips to hers. "Mmmmm you're so amazing."

We share a few more kisses before sitting back in our spots. "Do you like?" She picks up a strawberry and feeds it to me.

Rachel knows I love picnics. She tells me how she wanted to surprise me with one outside but the timing was never right and it's too cold out tonight to have one outside so why not have one in our bedroom. She tells me how she plans on giving me a massage after dinner. I tell her how awesome it is and how much I love her for doing this for me.

"Oh…" Rachel reaches down and rubs her stomach.

"You okay?" I ask around a mouthful full of sandwich.

Rachel nods. "Help me up." I quickly get to my feet and help her stand. "Be right back. Don't eat all the fruit while I'm gone."

Rachel's not gone for two minutes before I hear her call my name. I get up and walk to the bathroom. Rachel is stand in a puddle of water with a little smile on her face. "Looks like you're going to have to wait on that massage."


	7. Chapter 7

I remember all those times I fantasized about what having a family with Santana would be like. I remember thinking about how old we would be when we had our first child, how many children would we have, what they would look like, where'd we live, would we be good parents. I thought about those things a lot over the last seven years of our marriage. But nothing…nothing beats the real thing.

I use to think that I would never love someone as much or more than I love Santana. I truly didn't know love until I met Santana. No one has ever loved me like she does. She's always been someone I could talk to about anything. It could be the most intense topic or the most embarrassing topic and Santana will just listen and be encouraging or whatever I need her to be at the moment. That one time we broke up in college for a few days was some of the worst days of my life. Even till this day I think my whole world would fall apart if I didn't have Santana. She is still one of the most important people in my life but now Ava. Ava Berry-Lopez is what I breathe for.

She became my first love the moment I knew she was inside of me. I know Santana feels the same. We would and do put Ava before any and everything. When she came crying into the world I thought I'd die of happiness. She is so perfect. A perfect combination of the woman I love and myself.

I had no doubt Santana would be a great mother. When we brought Ava from the hospital, Santana waited on me hand and foot. She fussed over the baby and me all day. If Ava woke in the middle of the night Santana would jump up to get her, knowing I'd had to get up shortly anyway to feed our beautiful child. She just wanted me to get as much rest as I could.

"San…" I laugh when I walk into the nursery and see Santana standing over the baby crib, watching our little girl sleep. "Baby you have to go." I grab her elbow.

"Wait. One more minute." Santana leans in, kissing Ava's chubby little cheek. "I love you."

I roll my eye, a little smile on my face as I follow Santana out into the hallway. I pull the door up a little before going into our bedroom. "You need to hurry before you're late." I sit the baby monitor on the night stand next to the bed.

"Why can't I call off?" Santana pouts. "I want to spend time with you guys."

"You are ridiculous." I shake my head and throw Santana scrub top at her.

"Whatever. You just want her all to yourself." Santana jokes as she finishes getting ready for work.

"That's right." I yawn and sit on the bed. Santana finishes getting herself together and then we are walking down the hall. "No." I move in front of the door before Santana can push the baby room door open.

"Why not?" Santana frowns. "I just want to see her again before I go."

"Because you almost woke her up already." I argue. "She needs to sleep. _I_ need her to sleep." I stress.

"I won't touch her. I just need to see her." Santana pouts and I give in. I move out of the way. I walk down stairs and sit on the couch, waiting for Santana to come down.

Santana comes down the stairs three minutes later with the phone to her ear. "…okay. I'm coming down the stairs now. Please don't knock. Ava is asleep."

I frown as I watch Santana walk over to the door and open it. "Hey." Quinn steps inside with a grin on her face.

"Hi." I get up from the couch and move closer to them. "What are you doing here?"

Quinn pouts. "You're pose to be excited to see your best friend." I just stare at her. "I came to keep you company while San's at work."What Quinn really is saying is that Santana asked her to come keep an eye on me.

I haven't been getting that much sleep since Santana went back to work a few days ago. I'm so use to Santana and me both being home, taking turns caring for Ava. Now with it just being me, for more than half the day, it's hard to find time to sleep. It's like every time I close my eyes to take a nap with her, she wakes up.

I haven't really said anything to Santana about it, but we've been married for eight years and known each other for fourteen. She knows me well enough to just know.

And she also knows that I won't call someone on my own to help me out so she called Quinn for me.

"You didn't have to, Quinn." I protest weakly.

"Shut up, Rach." Quinn pushes pass me. "I'm going to make myself some tea."

Quinn leaves Santana and me standing by the front door. "You need some sleep, babe." Santana says tugging on my t-shirt until I'm in her arms.

We share a kiss before she leaves. I walk back into the living room to see Quinn sitting comfortably on the couch.

"Hey." I sit next to her and rest my head on her shoulder.

Quinn giggles and puts her arm around my shoulder, holding me to her. "You know you could have called me yourself."

I just hum and close my eyes. "Go get in the bed. I have very strict instructions from your wife. Santana would kill me if I let you sleep on the couch."

I roll my eyes but get up anyway. "I just need a few hours." I make sure the baby monitor is working and Quinn has everything she needs incase Ava wakes up. "Thank you."

I quickly make my way to my bedroom. Motherhood is defiantly tiring but just seeing my daughter makes it all worth it.

TBC


End file.
